


the complex emotionality of knowing you’re in love with eachother

by jjehai



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, i actually have no idea where im going with this, i am in love with metaphors, kinda slow burn i think, they dumb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26714419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjehai/pseuds/jjehai
Summary: A moment without volleyball feels like an eternity, but a moment without Iwaizumi feels like the end.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 3





	the complex emotionality of knowing you’re in love with eachother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first work so i’m kind of just testing this out and posting whatever, so bear with me if i drop this cuz this is a testing ground rn. enjoy this short first chapter!

Few things make my heart beat faster. My heart beats everyday with the regular breathing of the air coming in my body and the blood that pumps my veins, but making my heart beat faster is an entirely different subject. 

The first thing in my long long list of heart beaters would be volleyball, the second thing volleyball and the third volleyball. Volleyball is in my top ten, because, let's face it, nothing makes my heart beat faster, throb stronger or feel lighter than the feeling of the ball leaving, leaping, spinning around my fingers. Nothing else compares or comes close to that infinity of feelings. To the sensation of power, of unwilting power, feeling, sensation of the hard rubber reaching your skin. The spotlight reaching your eyes, the shadow of the ball floating above you, everything about volleyball makes my blood pump faster, my heart beat stronger.

Eleventh place would be volleyball, and the sighting of a UFO in the sky, the possibility that the extraterrestrial lifeforms have finally decided to notice me, a one singularity in all of the multiple billions of lone lifeforms, similar but different, in this tiny planet. That thought, that likelihood, makes my heart throb with happiness. My one possibility to make myself apart from the other minds in this world, and become outside of this world. Though if the aliens came to take me away, I would have to leave everything I've ever known behind, volleyball, Iwa-chan, the adventure and the happiness all overcome the danger and sadness of the unknown.

Twelfth place is debatable, it is left behind in a constant fight between volleyball, because I adore volleyball in all it’s possible hurt and pain and it will always be my every priority, and Iwa-chan, because Iwa-chan is the one constant in my life besides volleyball and the constant thought of the spaceships and lifeforms beyond this tiny floating rock.

Though sometimes, depending on the time of day, Iwa-chan takes second place. Iwa-chan’s importance fluctuates, it changes, he changes, but volleyball stays the same. Always always always stays the same in it’s ruthless nature and the fact that it does not care about me, or anyone at that ( and while Iwa-chan does seem to not care about anyone or seems to be as unchangeable as a rock fighting against the current of a river, rocks change and he changes. More than volleyball and when faced with his tiny openings you can tell he is very capable of change ).

The point being that those moments of second place Iwa-chan, as rare as they are, are still there and it honestly never surprises me. More often than not, we also get to see an eleventh, ninth, eighth place Iwa-chan because he is susceptible to change, and my heart is too.

Iwa-chan, he makes my heart beat faster but as time goes on and currents slow my mind has gotten used to it and my feelings have gotten numb. The beating of hearts in rib cages always speed up and slow down, as is natural as I live but Iwa-chan makes my heart speed abnormally fast and I understand.

I like Iwa-chan. Like is a strong word but love is an even stronger word. I sometimes use love to describe my feelings for the one unchanging never ever changing fact ( person ) in my life. Love is a strange word and its meaning carries a heavy burden so I prefer to use the lighter less implicating word of like.

My intricate feelings for Iwa-chan cannot simply be summed into words, much less one single word, but the general straightforward feeling remains the same. Like is a simple word, a simple light word depending on the use and my feelings are not light or simple. The spinning of my head when a hand touches another resembles that of a spinning volleyball, my head has been hit and slapped and I can no longer feel, can no longer think.

Iwa-chan is always there, unlike volleyball that I was attracted to only after the start of a new life and death cycle and the aliens which has yet to happen but I suspect will before the end and the start of that same cycle, Iwa-chan started a cycle with me, will end the cycle with me by his side and will experience it mostly with me. 

That fact brings me joy, that I am stuck with him, him the beautiful eyelashes, questionably surprisingly soft hair and beautiful toned muscled body, him that makes my heart beat faster and faster and faster.

Because I like him.

And I know for a fact that he likes me too.

I might sometimes act dumb but I am not oblivious, I can tell that those shared glances and ruffled hair, the slight blush that settles on his ears, on his neck, are a big red blaring signal if anything that even the most oblivious of people can tell are there.

Me and Iwaizumi, we play. Words with implications are thrown, and we play. We play with our feelings. The occasional too long touches and warm heart melting smiles. I do not like playing with feelings, I comfort them, I feed them, but playing is an assholish move even for me. What else could I do except play when neither him or I are ready for the consequences of our actions.

I’ll ignore it, because while change is something obvious, I am not ready for the moment where my heart jumps out of my chest and gentle lips meet another puckered pair. I am not ready to set aside all I have ever thought, all my beliefs, set aside volleyball to let a relationship, a relationship with Iwa-chan my beloved childhood friend and unchanging constant in my life, become my number one heart beater, my number one priority.

Are relationships really about number one priorities? Every site, every cringe teen magazine will tell you, for a successful, fun, amazing relationship put your relationship first. I’m quite skeptical about that, skeptical, scared because for all ( the big majority ) of my life since I’ve discovered volleyball all of my energy has always been on volleyball. Every relationship I’ve been in has ended because of volleyball.

But Iwaizumi understands how hard I’ve worked, how hard I’m willing to work and in a fight between my love for volleyball and my like for Iwaizumi, I’m truly not sure which one would win.

But this fact I am certain of, a moment without volleyball feels like an eternity, a certainty that I am waiting for the next moment to touch and feel the fibers of the ball on my hands and the smiles of my teammates. A moment without Iwa-chan feels like the end because I have never ever been without Iwaizumi and I am not about to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember that this is actually trancripted by me cuz i doubt oikawa would actually ever say this


End file.
